Life as I Know It

I was descending on basement 3 of Depression Bldg. My friend Zee was telling me it’s more depressing if I try to think happy thoughts when you’re depressed. She said I should try to do something, maybe write dark poetry. But nothing. My thoughts run in so many dark alleys that I could not catch up with one.

Been surfing… aimlessly checking friendster… literally being sadistic. This bulletin post caught my eye. Topic was Stairway to Heaven. I think it should have merited a more dramatic heading. But the theme suited me well.

Am I ready to die? Spiritually I don’t know. But on the practical side, I think I am. If I get struck by a lightning I think I won’t be missed. I have no partner to be sorry to leave behind. I’ve no kids to worry about if they’re gonna be ok when I’m gone. Well except for my family and closest friends perhaps. But really I won’t be such a loss. They’re so used to the thought of me being away that my demise might just be another year away. Anyway, here’s my version to Stairway to Heaven. It was harder to answer than I thought…

1) If you had a choice, how would you like to die?

- in my sleep

- sitting on the porch, watching the sunset, holding hands with the one I grow old with

2) At what age?

- I’ve always said I don’t want to live beyond 60. but I don’t want to wait that long. If there comes a time when I find no beauty in living, then I wish to die at that very moment.

3) 3 things you want to do before you die (except for saying "goodbye "thank you" and "I’m sorry" to people):

- travel to my dream places with the people I love

- live a full life in my “home”

- organize my own going away party. I always loved that last scene in Meet Joe Black.

4) 3 people you want to meet before you die:

- my soul mate

- the real thing (yeah, the song still haunts me)

- my reason for being

yeah, I think they are different people.

5) What color would you want your casket to be?

- I have not really thought about it. But I’d like my grave to be painted orange.

6) What do you want to be wearing in that casket?

- a cocktail dress and please I want this picture on it… 

7) 2 FRIENDS that you want to give a eulogy about you:

- I actually have a lot in mind. But if I have my way, I’ll have these people talking: Vina, Ed, Jenny, Jam, Zarah, Kras

Why them?

- because they know my heart, even the deepest darkest corners

9) 2 extended family members (meaning not parents or siblings) you want to give a eulogy about you:

- my nephews. that will be funny

10) Why them?

- they love me but they have an irreverent way of showing it hahaha

11) Whom do you NOT want to see in you funeral?

-no one. I want them all there. All who have been part of my life. The ones I quarreled with, laughed with. The ones who broke my heart. The ones who tried to make it whole but broke it in the process. The ones who helped me heal.

12) Why?

- that’s the last time I will ever impose on them I suppose I want it to be a grand reunion. At least the ones who love me can have the chance to throw dagger looks at my non-favorites.

13) Would you like a happy or sad funeral?

- happy. I need people to party and have a good time. If mama’s still around, that would take her off the crying episodes.

14) If you were to be cremated, where would you want your ashes to be kept?

- home is where the heart is.  wherever it is, that’s where I will always be.