Life as I Know It

luke.  i have been thinking how long we were together.  6 months?  barely.  we partnered first at my infinity dinner event last september.  we have been inseparable since.  he’s seen me through moments of extreme rage, momentary madness, endless girltalk and whining about life.  there’s been moments when i wished him gone.  when i could not take hearing another sound from him.  still i was with him 24/7.   

it’s been almost 2 days since i lost him.  it pisses me off that it was my fault.  i wasn’t paying attention.  perhaps the more fitting term is that i let my guard down.  i was careless.  and it hurts even more when it’s happened too close from the cebu incident.  but as they say, shit happens.  too bad i’m it’s personal favorite of late.

it’s a good thing i’m superstitious when it comes to losing stuff.  after the crying, the self-flaggelations, mental calculation of the loss, i take a deep breath and then think that at least the ones i’m losing are stuff i can live without or the ones i can replace with.  and i say to myself, it was "payment" for something possibly worse.   

so i lost luke.  and with him are the numbers that either make or break my day.  a few messages that i saved because it was inspiring.  or because it put a smile my my face.  i also lost the few shots of manoy & the kids on the beach.  that was a very good afternoon for the kids.  these moments are hard to come by and i’m just too sorry i lost what reminder they had of that afternoon (lesson:  always download, save, and back-up you silly girl).  my mama has a different way of looking at it as well.  for her it was closure and a sign for moving on.  whatever! 

why do we do that?  why do we always have to rationalize our loss?  it doesn’t matter if it’s things or relationships or pets or people.  we always end up doing the same thing.  when you lose something, you had to rebuild and start from scratch.  and that’s one tedious process…

bye luke.  darn!  i wasn’t ready to lose you just yet