Beyond the Bend
July 15, 2005 by estelaaque
July always evoke mixed emotions in me. Foremost because it’s my birthday month and getting older makes me anxious. I believe that expectations and responsibilities are directly proportional to ones age. The next thing that comes to mind is that it’s halfway through the year and I begin to see the panic button knowing I am nowhere near achieving my new year’s resolution/goals. In short, July is the month where I tend to do my self assessment and what obviously follow are my self-flagellations.
This year however it was different. Suffice it to say that my comfort zone has been entirely altered. It’s just halfway through the year and it already feels like I’ve had more than enough changes to contend with. And mind you, these are “landmark” changes in my vocabulary. I began the year in a totally different manner. I was working on New Year’s Eve, away from my family. I changed jobs, lived in a different household in yet another different side of the metro, lost what little social life I tolerated (but later enjoyed), gave in to an unexpected “free-fall” against my better judgment, bid my bestest best friend goodbye and goodluck for a new life abroad. Pretty soon, I myself will be moving back home after 15 years of independence. And being such a drama queen, I have reacted exaggeratedly on everything. Countless insomnia attacks, extreme mood swings, depression states, bright giggly moments, crying bouts, bright eyed excitement. The past six months has definitely been an emotional rollercoaster ride!
For someone who’s always asked for a sign, I was too dense to notice that my life was changing. A very important phase of my life was coming to end, a phase that spans 5 years. A time when I forged the strongest bond of friendships, tested the true strength of my character, rediscovered the real me, and forgiven myself for the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. “Healing” would be THE one word that can describe all those years. And the aftermath is a better version of me.
So what happens now? I don’t know. I’ll live it a day at a time. It’s more fun that way! Planning can only get you so far. I’ll leave something to chance. Looking back, anything can only be better, brighter and happier.
