hibernation
June 28, 2005 by estelaaque
She’s had it again. That sad terrible thing called depression. She thinks it’s her soul crying out for meaning and attention. (She prefers to be profound about life at these times of her life.)
For her, it starts with a little bit of boredom and restlessness. Like painkillers, a trip to the spa does the trick. Sometimes. However, if symptoms persist, an urge for weirdness follows. Usually, she takes it on her hair. The notoriety keeps her spirits high. Sometimes it holds up. Other times it doesn’t. Then starts the horrible days! Long insomniac nights, fitful sleeps, crappy mornings, bottomless coffee to jumpstart a day, pile of empty wine bottles, unanswered emails, unread papers and proposals. And the worse of it all is the nasty temper. She’s at it for days, even weeks. And then one day, she just snaps and vents it out on someone. And then follows the days of getting away from it all.
She’s on this stage right now. Today she didn’t like to get up at all. She wouldn’t have if it didn’t turn a little hot in the room. So she left the bed for the couch and sat in front of the TV for the entire day. It was a good thing that one of the movies was one of her favorite movies. And maybe it wasn’t because it just made her cry. Good thing there were polar bears featured in national geographic. It’s already getting dark outside. It’s beginning to be sad and lonely again. Before when she had her apartment, she goes “depression mode” in style – with lighted aromatherapy candles, bottle of wine, music. Now she can do without the candles. She’s probably getting better at this.
So what’s it gonna be tomorrow? She still doesn’t want to go to work. She’s still pissed at the incessant rings of the cellphone. Perhaps a few more days of “being sick” is just what she needs. Perhaps by then she is bored of being bored and depressed and comes back from the dead. That she knows by heart now. And on goes the cycle …
